Let me start off by saying that- the title of this song.... Is my FAVORITE song by Sara Bareilles. You guys just don't understand how much I love her! Oh my oh my. This song hit me so hard when I first heard it- I couldn't stop listening to it and learning it- so that I could create a cover of it for my youtube. If you haven't already checked out that video- I'd love for you to! <3 >> My Video Cover << But I also urge you to check out the original, cause obviously- it's way better/amazing.
Anywho. in the video- you'll see that I don't show my face- just my mad piano skillz, son. (yeah right, jk. I am not the best at piano- learning still!) But for real though- This is disappointing to say. I have basically been avoiding the camera for a while now. Outside of auditions- hellooooo I'm an actor. Makes no sense. I have auditions all the time- and have not been feeling confident with my looks. I started getting this weird rash on my face. It's very small. But come on - you know its the little things that bother us most. I also have been getting a ton of grey hair... I've always had it- but it's starting to show itself more and more. And in just one area.... These things have been putting a damper on my day. No I don't die my hair or have any interest in it... And masking a problem doesn't solve anything. Putting make up over my red rash on my eyes- won't help anything. It's just avoiding the problem. Like come on? I hate that I've been dodging the real issues. Let me be honest- for the past few years- I have not been the healthiest. It's been a bit of a hard few years also. But I allowed that to happen.
I have previously been avoiding all the things that matter to me. It's funny- I had this realization yesterday. I actually have been doing the opposite of what I say I usually stand for. I have been acting more afraid of it- than wanting it. It being anything that matters to me. I've been running the opposite way. Running away from the things I want. Instead, being comfortably lazy. I said at the beginning of this year- I want to be fearless. I don't want fear to run my life anymore. Cause I have let it.
So although I am 2 months late.... I am going to go over what my plans are for this year. My goals.
And I'd love for you to share your plans/goals/intentions for this year are as well.
-Starting from the most important thing- love my self more. Cause I know if I'm being honest with myself, I have not been. And that has been effecting all areas of my life. I need to take care of myself more. And I know what that means for me. There are no more excuses. There are no more 'goal dates'. It just has to be now. I can't keep focusing on the negative. And digging myself a hole. I am climbing out of it right now. And just focusing on that light. That positive light.
-Fuel myself with all the fresh vegetables & fruits. Leaving out the processed foods, and excess oils. -I just recently went vegan starting Feb 1st. I had a slip up- but was a total accident, not intentional. Apparently there is fish in siracha sauce. BLEH! . Oh well. Moving on! I always feel much better when I eat this way. Green smoothies, green juices, salads, roasted veggies for dinner- etc. It's really the best.
-Workout . Oh my goodness. Just the word it self. I am the worst with this. I first of all, hate it. So that doesn't help. But I do understand I get less stressed when I have worked out. I have really bad anxiety. Everything makes me nervous. Including auditions. Which is very important to not be nervous at- so things need to change. My perspective about working out has been very bad. I thought of it as a chore. And thats not what the outlook needs to be. And it def. does not need to be about looking better for my image either- cause personally, that isn't enough for me. I've always not been the weight I've wanted to be. Maybe for a good 12 years or so. I've always wanted to be a certain size- and I've come to realize that maybe isn't for me. WHO knows though. I've honestly never been the healthiest/ or balanced. SO maybe one day when I get that all together. My body will go to where it needs to be ... I'm hopeful. For now- I need to love the one I have. And that has to be good enough. Cause the best thing is.. I woke up today. I have legs that allow me to walk., I have a voice.... aghhhh so many things. Very grateful. Enjoy your day ya'll!
More positivty to come <3