SO what's different? Why the sudden change? What is going to change for me? What am I doing?
All great questions. First and most importantly. I'm taking it day by day. Only focusing on today. I will no longer give myself anxiety for thinking so far in the future and worrying. Cause I'm pretty damn good at that too. And again, lame.
Another huge huge huge thing for me. Guess what? I'm going to go see a therapist. Oh my gosh that is some crazy iSHHHHHH. Me? Me talking to someone else? Me talking about feelings?Girl you crazy.
Well not soon crazy. I'm really doing this. It's been a long time coming. I am as my chiropractor told me on Saturday "A Brick Wall". Yes, he said that to me. And that I am really locked up- everywhere. And it got me thinking. I am totally locked up in everything. Locked up in the fact that I get stiff and scared when a bee passes by me. When a loud noise happens. When I wish I could talk about something that makes me sad. When I want to cry and don't. My body has become a brick wall- because I am a wall. I've been completely closed off. And that is just not working for me anymore. I can no longer be locked up. I want to open up. And feel feelings. So I called today - I made the appointment, I'm super proud of that.
I also decided today to do a challenge- a vegan challenge. Well I'm actually going to be calling it #30daysCleanAF on instagram. If you'd like to follow that journey for me. I was talking to my boyfriend the other day about how I used to be so healthy. "Used to be". WTF? Why is it not still the case? What happened to me from then till now? And I've noticed how much both of us impact each other. I've totally not been a good role model for him on being healthy- in a relationship you really have to be better for each other. And because I haven't been doing that, I really feel a disconnect between us. All because of the disconnection I had with myself. The weird version of me that isn't healthy & doesn't care. That girl GONE. BYE.
I'm gonna try and post daily what I'm eating and what new things I'm trying or things I always have that I love that maybe you don't know about? I'm going to use my voice. I'm going to speak up & UNLOCK.
Thanks for listening :)