Lets get back on track. This blog is titled after the actual last 5 years. What a weird 5 years. Weird in the best way.
As I'm approaching my 30th birthday in January- I've been thinking a lot. Where I should be? Why am I here.... Why am I not there. Etc. A LOT OF THAT. a whole lotta that.... Lets see. I'm writing in the blog place that I started about 5 years ago. And I haven't been writing in here that much. Haven't been doing much of anything to be honest. I've been stuck. I got comfortable being stuck. Comfortably stuck if you will. I've been doing the same thing- for about the last 5 years. I am not extremely happy or proud of how I've been stuck. But thats life. Sometimes you get stuck. Sometimes you wake up and get out of it before 5 years have passed. Sometimes it takes 5 years... sometimes people remain stuck. And so it goes.
But I woke up today and realized I just cannot keep doing this. I cannot keep myself on repeat of the life I've been living. I realize the word discipline cannot be used to describe me. I realize when I look at myself in the mirror- I don't like the reflection. Cause right now... and for the last 5 years... I've not been the best version of myself. I allowed sadness to swallow me up and consume me. I allowed myself to only see negative and ignore positivity for the most part. I don't need a change. I NEED TO BE THE CHANGE.
I can't tell you how many things I'd like to change about myself. Obviously there are a lot. I'm an artist, I like improving and I also am not very happy with repetitiveness. So what am I going to do?
I have no idea really. All I know is the cycle of my life that has been- is a has been. And is the past. And I am focused on the future. I am going to be my best self. I love how we can so easily be inspired by others. We don't realize the effect we can have on other people. So what I think is really amazing is when people put themselves out there- they are bold enough to just go for it. And maybe they are scared, but they do it anyway- so they might get the chance of connecting with someone else who is in the same position.
I've been stuck for years. In this state of feeling like I don't deserve to be successful, I don't deserve to be in shape...have a great life. I have put myself down in so many ways. Cause it's easier to do that, then to actually get up and do something about it. Like I said before- going back to the word discipline. This will be a word that describes me. I will make it so.
I'm letting go of very old bad habits- and moving on to make new ones that I know are meant for me. I'm focusing on the positive. I'm focusing on the fact that the future IS bright. There are going to be clouds along the way, sure. But I'm moving forward and going to enjoy ALL OF IT.
I hope you will too. Happy Holidays.