Have you ever looked back at a photo of yourself.... and see someone different. Someone that you now wish you could be? Like what were you doing differently then? What happened. How did I get to here. I thought first of all, you change for the better? I recently look back and realize those things. But then also realize that it is better now. Cause, to get to the ultimate place... we have to pass through all the sh*t... until we become that person who can handle it from there. I have had so many realizations today it's overwhelming. 

Basically I had a very confronting conversation with a good friend. Who helped me realized a lot of things even without saying it. Of course she asked me all the right questions to get me to those thoughts. And that I am thankful for. First of all I realized from the questions, #1, I'm in denial. I don't want to believe the fact that I am truly on the wrong route. Not in life, but with my day to day thoughts. I know from research and just my everyday learnings that - You become your thoughts. But it's never actually been something I applied to my own self. Now I realize, all the negative thoughts- have become even more true about myself. 

She asked me to name 5 things I love about my body. Hm. Why was this so hard? Then she asked me what would I like to love about my body. And answer in the sense as though I do love them right now- even though truly, I was not happy with those areas. Look, I'm a girl, I know we all have our things we don't like. I've heard skinny people say they don't like their arms. And here I am just wanting that persons skinny arms. We all have our insecurities. Thats fine. But I have let all of these things define who I am. Which right now if I were an animal I'd be most like a hermit crab. Is that who I thought I'd be? Hell no. But if I had to be true that whats I'm acting like. And that in itself is enough to say- something has to change. 

So, 5 things you love about your body? Go ahead say them. or write them down. If their only things you would like to love- then say that. But say that you do love them. Close your eyes and breathe. Smile. Mine were, My lips. My eyes. My arms. My legs. My hair. 
It's very hard to say that I love my arms. Because I have had a problem with them for a very long time. The other thing I could say to that- is besides saying I despise them, what have I done to change them? Yeah right there, So shut it me! Until you start putting things into action. NOTHING will happen. Nothing. Whats that saying, Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results, defines insanity. Yep, sorry guys, But I've been insane. Haha.

Well on a happier note. The realization in conclusion is this. Hermit crab- Bird. Yeah. A bird. An animal not afraid to fly. Transformation isn't easy. But you have to be first willing and open to accept it. I've got ALOT of evolving to do. So many things. Not even gonna lie. But you have to have dreams, aspirations. Where do you want to be this time next year? The way I have been living my life I will be in the exact same place! And I do not want that. So what has to be done? What has to be done is change. I have to make changes. I have to realize that my family history of health problems, makes my destiny of health lined up to be not a good one. So I have to make everyday count. I have to make sure I take care of myself in those ways and more. Because I love myself and I truly want to be content and happy with my success in life. But right now.

Right now I'm realizing that the importance of being available for my friends and family in a loving way, is priority. And I've let my own selfish problems get in the way of all of that. I don't want to become a bitter mean old lady. But I am on that route. I have become impatient. And angry with myself. I know ya'll know I live a bit of a different life being an aspiring actress, yes I know this. Yes I want this. And this is the way it has to be in order for me to achieve my dreams. But there can be a different path for me a long the way if I allow it to be so. We don't always have to take the struggle, rocky road... Just cause we think it's a hard life. You make that up for yourself. I've made up that this is a difficult life to lead and my confidence gets torn and I get beat up from all the rejection and I've taken every single no personally. This is not the way I should have gone about it in the past. But it's ok, because I know now. I have been a shy person since I moved here. The funny thing is I wasn't so shy when I was younger. But realizing when I came to this town I wasn't the only one with my dream. I got quiet. Which is weird, cause why wouldn't I want to be loud and getting attention? Well. Places change you. I was culture shocked moving here from a small town in Ga. I went through some weird sh*t. I had a lot of struggles. But I let them happen. and now I'm letting them go. If I want to cry at something being so beautiful I can. I am sick of holding back from speaking up. I am sick of not standing up for myself. I'm done with holding back from letting my voice being heard, in auditions and in life. This is it guys, we have just this life. WHAT are you going to do with this gift that we are so lucky to be having the experience of?

Ah this whole time my foot has been asleep. Must go.

Love youself!

Yeah, it's almost that time. When I leave for home for about 3 weeks. I'm very excited- don't get me wrong. But .... if you know me. Well, ya'll know me somewhat, but you maybe don't know this- I am quite the procrastinator. I'm not even gonna lie. Seriously. I'm an out of sight out of mind type of gal. So now that I realize how fast this trip is coming up and how little I've done to reach my goals of becoming fitter for the visit. It's crunch time. Yeah, you heard me- c r u n c h time. It can be done folks. It can be done. Nothing is easy- for the things you want most. I know that going in. 
So basically I'm changing up my diet and workout plan a little. Work out plan as in, actually going to ! Haha. Yes, I've been slacking. Well only in the work out area. I can't tell you how many other things I've been doing for my career lately. Now that I am proud of. But health always needs to stay as a priority. And I have put it on the back burner. But hey, listen... It's okay. Wanna know why? Cause we can change it. Nothing is set in stone. You think people who are paralized sit there and allow their lives to just be that? Hell no. People are playing sports- pushing themselves so hard. We can make whatever out of what we are given. My life is this right now. And I need to make some healthy lemonade with all these lemons! ;) 

Ok. So for those of you who are in the same boat. Here is the deal. 
-Working Out 6x a week. [1 rest day]
-Eating Clean EVERYDAY- (no exception)

Now a more in depth look into that. Meaning- 
Alcohol, 1x a week, sugar- not at all.
No added Salt. No added oil. and vegan.-(this is just for my own self, you can achieve clean eating very easily if you are not vegan- I am choosing this lifestyle at the moment cause I will not be able to eat as clean and vegan as I'd like when I'm in Ga. :(

Comprende?

So what a day looks like for me will be...

B: Oatmeal with 1/2 packet protein and 1 tbsp peanut butter.
L: & D. Quinoa/brown rice with veggie and Protein (ie. tofu, tempeh, beans or lentils )
Snacks : Sweet Potato, Nuts and fruit. (1-2 a day)

Now. Who wants to join me on this challenge?

17 Days to a Cleaner YOU! 
(why 17? that's when I leave for Ga, PLUS that is a # I like. and equals enough time for change.)

I wish you all the best with this and I hope you'll do the same for me! Good luck to us both! Lets do this! Follow me on instagram for daily photos and motivation if you'd like! <3 

Why the name, The Hulk? Well the Hulk is quite huge and quite green.
Just like this smoothie is. Well it's not so huge. But The Hulk could probably eat it for breakfast too
considering the amount of protein in it! I've been upping my protein intake due to lack of carb intake. So heres how I do it, fast and simple! No excuses.

1/2 cup Unsweetened Almond milk.
1 banana (a smoothie isn't a smoothie unless theres a banana!)
1/2 cup blueberries (Yes, I realize this is a carb. -but it's a natural fruit and ok by me in the A.M)
Loads of Spinach. Like 2-3 handfuls. seriously, you won't taste it!
2 scoops of Garden of Life Protein -Original

= 34 g of P R O T E I N

Enjoy and feel satisfied! <3

Need I say more? Um. There are NO carbs in it. And just about 200 calories (Not counting the veggies- cause I don't count calories for veggies. (Just cause!)). Whoah Now! Soooo Yes. I created this dish yesterday. As I have decided for the month of May, to go complex carb free. For me, that means any grains and all flours and potatoes removed. (With the exception of the sweet potato which I will have occasionally.) I have absolutely no problem with grains, please don't misunderstand me. But I have learned from past experiences, when trying to drop a few pounds it does help to omit those from your diet for a short amount of time. Which is all I have until I fly back home to see lots of family and friends. Trying to get toned up for all the wedding photos I will be in! (My two best friends from childhood are getting married.... :'( ) I've got one month and so this is what I'm doing in the short amount of time I have. As well as watching my calorie intake. Otherwise- I'm typically ok with my body, and usually eat when I am hungry and keep it healthy- always. But tend to indulge a little too often ;) So this is good for me. Training myself to be disciplined! 

Now back to this stir fry of mine.
The 'rice' is cauliflower rice. Which I have made before and you all liked! So make the cauliflower rice again. And this time I shredded carrots in there. I then cooked those 2 together in a sautee pan with a little braggs amino acids. Then I steamed brocolli on the side and added that in later. And cooked in a separate pan, Gardein Beefless tips. Then I add it all together. As well as the 1 egg white I scrambled in a separate pan. Mix it all together, add garlic, green onions, pepper, bell pepper, whatever you like! And enjoy! Soooooo good and filling.

-Cauliflower Rice
-Braggs Amino Acids (or low sodium soy sauce)
-Gardein Beefless Tips
-Shredded Carrots
-1 scrambled egg white